Well I have something to say now with no one to hear. I was sitting in my room and thinking about life and what God has done with me and everthing arond me in the last year. And what I can think of is this quetions.
Why have I ben though all of this in my life?
Why God made me?
What is the prpos of me liveing? For kelly (not thinking about killing my self)
Are my frainds good for me?
What can i do to Grow?
How can everyone be happy for me and when i look at my self I just see a fat sad guy and not worth anything to anyone?
Why dose no girls like me?
What do i want to do for a liveing?
help me anser this i am lost and cant find what im looking for.
i cry everynight not noing what i am good for
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
So life is going on and not one thing is new with me but God has said to me think about going to YWAM down far from here and that would be the biges thing i ever did im just a bit nervies. so if you think about it can u pray for me and i like this one girl and now im just sitting here drinking and haveing a good time with me and myself and i think it would be better if kelly and if she want to bring her sister to my home that would be fun like last week on a wesday kelly came over and we played darts and games with my fam and i think she liked cuz she is somewhat wanting to come over agen and i i rilly wory about kelly she need to say im going out of town and or something and i am going to do thing for my self and not live the way i am now she just need time with God and her no one else and if kelly reads this i will be doooooomed lol. and there is this one girl i like but idk she dose not no if she likes me and idk what with her some times but she is a Vary strough follower of God and she is amazing and idk what to do but give it up to God so that is what i have to say and ya
Monday, January 24, 2011
im lost
so yesterday i had the best time of my life. well i dont about that but it was rilly far up there kelly and Kierra Morrison love me for who i am not what i do. like i told them a story about a tree and me and then a story about a deer that both of wich i was not to bright but its my life.
but now i sit here thinking about all thing i have done and all thing have yet to come in to play. then i got a phone call last night after i went to bed and i did not pick it up cuz it was not in my phone book. i deleted like 200 people in my phone this week that were not putting me up and i fell a sleep and i go on with life i thought but ones agen i was not rady for my year or life to be changed.
i woke up today way to erly but i woke up and called them back and it was a hospital and it went to the my friends phone wich i was not thinking was in there. when someone pick up it was Joe's H Dad. he was not one of my best friends but i saw him here and there. but Mr. h said what happened was he was on his way to a church thing with his soon to be wife. i dated her her name was hannah H. and a truck head to head hit them the guy was not killed but he was drunk and allot more thing then that but idk everything. but Hannah die and joe was close to death.
and i say to my self why dose god not want them to go to this Church thing and why did this happen when i had one of the best weeks of my life.
so i went there and i saw one of my old best frainds die just like that and it got me thinking that life is so shourt and why the gass ball am i just dinking arond
but im giveing this and ever thing to god cuz i love him more then i love anyone i no and i just wanted to him there when i go though good and bad times
but now i sit here thinking about all thing i have done and all thing have yet to come in to play. then i got a phone call last night after i went to bed and i did not pick it up cuz it was not in my phone book. i deleted like 200 people in my phone this week that were not putting me up and i fell a sleep and i go on with life i thought but ones agen i was not rady for my year or life to be changed.
i woke up today way to erly but i woke up and called them back and it was a hospital and it went to the my friends phone wich i was not thinking was in there. when someone pick up it was Joe's H Dad. he was not one of my best friends but i saw him here and there. but Mr. h said what happened was he was on his way to a church thing with his soon to be wife. i dated her her name was hannah H. and a truck head to head hit them the guy was not killed but he was drunk and allot more thing then that but idk everything. but Hannah die and joe was close to death.
and i say to my self why dose god not want them to go to this Church thing and why did this happen when i had one of the best weeks of my life.
so i went there and i saw one of my old best frainds die just like that and it got me thinking that life is so shourt and why the gass ball am i just dinking arond
but im giveing this and ever thing to god cuz i love him more then i love anyone i no and i just wanted to him there when i go though good and bad times
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
idk any more
so i woke up this morning and my mom said yes lest chang ur cell phone and then we did not. then i still have so much on my plate that im cant take it much more and im falling apart. it fells like a dam is holding the water back and im the watter trying to get though and idk any more the one girl i like idk if i can date ever so idk about that and it just seem every time i try to move closeer to god the farther he get. its so hard to stop chewing and haveing sex and everything the devil is trying so hard not to losse me and i just fell like he is wining me now and idk what to do and the one person i love to talk to cant talk to me now and i am just losseing it and dont no what to do. i need a job and i need $ but i just dont no where to go and i want to help people out but i cant with no $. just call me or text me and i just need to be cared for now im just not haveing a good life now
pary for me
pary for me
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
im fighting off the deveil and not i cant whin. if there was something to say abbout it i no that i can fight it for ever and now i have to losse cuz if i fight for ever then i losse everyhting i got.
im haveing problumbs with famliy and firands 6 of my old frainds are now die or in the hospital and i ikd if i could have done any thing to do. but i do no that god is sleeping though my fingers and i trying to hold on but life is to hard but i will hold on to what i have.
this week is one of the liveing hell cuz im wornding every minit of every day that if me and my gf are going to last and trying so hard to hold on to her. if i losse her it will be the end of me and what i have fought to fichgt for and her and all i got.
yes i do have not everything to no about me who dose but the harder i try the more i losse her. i cant fight anymore with her or i might losse her for the rest of my life i have giveing so much up to be with her and now it is going down the hole.
if ther was a buttin i would redo everthing and i wish i would not have seen anyouther girls out there. if jess said u r not alode to do something that might cosst me somthing then i wuold do it in the best way i could and if she did not like that and not have to do that way or something i would. but now she is saying she dose not no if she wants me and wants to be with me anymore. but i no she is the one and only for me and i will do almy poer to stay with her. but when she say no and i cant do that or i dont lisen i try so hard and everytime i get is that. its not good enuf i want u to do it beter.
im falling a part trying to mend us together but its going in a way that idk if i or she can stop it but god can and im praying and crying everday to him about her but it seem like he is not lisening to me and not careing what i have to say.
now i have all this going on and kelly is wanting me to memeriz all this lines idk if i can do that and im trying to make everyone happy. what i want is to save up $3000 to go to newzanland and go and right my book by my self with no internet or phonse or anything i just want me and god and my book to go i cant right in my book cuz i have so much going on and i am superised i got on here to say this to u all. i need prayer for and everthing i have on here so i no u will help me i love u all and thax for beeing there though the good times and the bad one
im haveing problumbs with famliy and firands 6 of my old frainds are now die or in the hospital and i ikd if i could have done any thing to do. but i do no that god is sleeping though my fingers and i trying to hold on but life is to hard but i will hold on to what i have.
this week is one of the liveing hell cuz im wornding every minit of every day that if me and my gf are going to last and trying so hard to hold on to her. if i losse her it will be the end of me and what i have fought to fichgt for and her and all i got.
yes i do have not everything to no about me who dose but the harder i try the more i losse her. i cant fight anymore with her or i might losse her for the rest of my life i have giveing so much up to be with her and now it is going down the hole.
if ther was a buttin i would redo everthing and i wish i would not have seen anyouther girls out there. if jess said u r not alode to do something that might cosst me somthing then i wuold do it in the best way i could and if she did not like that and not have to do that way or something i would. but now she is saying she dose not no if she wants me and wants to be with me anymore. but i no she is the one and only for me and i will do almy poer to stay with her. but when she say no and i cant do that or i dont lisen i try so hard and everytime i get is that. its not good enuf i want u to do it beter.
im falling a part trying to mend us together but its going in a way that idk if i or she can stop it but god can and im praying and crying everday to him about her but it seem like he is not lisening to me and not careing what i have to say.
now i have all this going on and kelly is wanting me to memeriz all this lines idk if i can do that and im trying to make everyone happy. what i want is to save up $3000 to go to newzanland and go and right my book by my self with no internet or phonse or anything i just want me and god and my book to go i cant right in my book cuz i have so much going on and i am superised i got on here to say this to u all. i need prayer for and everthing i have on here so i no u will help me i love u all and thax for beeing there though the good times and the bad one
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